i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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