Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
