Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
