How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
