I got chris browned last night
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
