When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize