He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the day after is always just damage control
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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