We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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