There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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