now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
