saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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