Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
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I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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