my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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