areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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