I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
