in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
