well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
