Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
