my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
