Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
