i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
