My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
