Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
