someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
