I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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