I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
