So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
