Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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