Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish there were birth control emojis
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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