Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
