There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
