please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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