I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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