Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
