you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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