Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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