...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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