I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
