I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
