apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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