That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
