so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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