That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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