i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
