i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize