saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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