Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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