A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
