I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
