I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
