I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
