apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
