so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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