I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
