Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
