You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
