I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
