This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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