ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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