Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
