So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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