she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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