He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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