It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
