you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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