The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
