Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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