That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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