i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is Oprah even human
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
