Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
