She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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