And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
