Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
