I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
