Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
