we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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