This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
