ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
