I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize