I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
