the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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